here's a dirty lil secretttt

I swear i'm dying inside. I need a shoulder to cry on , someone to wipe my tears , someone to comfort me. I need all of those. I can't take anymore pressure , i'm so stressed out I think i'm going out of my mind. I'm smart I don't want to share my issues with anybody so what do I do? I cry for all the wrong reasons , like for example I got annoyed at the spot check which my school conducted so fucking badly i'm embarrassed to be from that damn school. And so I cried but actually I had a few things on my mind as well which was making me upset too. This psycho is trying to influence me to smoke cause apparently it 'reliefs' stress , but no way i'm sucking that shit. Even after writing my parents that letter they still don't give me what I want. Its so annoying okay! I need Irsyad he'd know what to do , or even Joey I miss them babies. They pushed me to limits even I din't know I could reach , the pain I suffered when I was in their hands was unbearable , but you know what? I manage to benefit through all the shit I was put through. Writing is definitely my way of expressing myself , I think I should buy a pretty book and jot down everything that bothers me. I was talking to my baby , Nity just now and she just gave me words of encouragement , after talking to her I actually believed I could pull myself together but truth is i'm unhappy on the inside. I don't know if i'm like this cause i'm having my period but whatever it is , i'm tired. I haven't given up yet. If I can't manage to pull myself together i'll just give up and let it be , lose my life battle. I need a slap across the face please , i'm begging slap me. I can't cope but i'm trying , trying is good right? I wish my parents were damn ass rich and could send me by a private jet plane to Singapore so I can rejuvenate. Yes thats what I need , to rejuvenate myself clear negative thoughts etc. In the name of God the most merciful and compassionate , I here by clear all my negative thoughts , amiin. X